1. Girls Shalt Not Have Sex.
(someone asked me what the guy word for ‘slut’ is
and I couldn’t find an answer.
it’s an old story: a rumour goes around that so-and-so
blew a boy in the disabled toilets.
the girl fakes a cough to get herself sent home
to escape the classroom-wide hiss of ‘slut’
while the boy she blew walks into the same class
and is greeted by an onslaught of high-fives)
2. Girls Shalt Love Boys.
(when I was ten, there was a movie trailer where two girls
leaned in for a kiss, and I felt sick for the rest of the day.
it took four years
along with faux-casual questions to friends
useless quizzes on the internet
entries in a diary that I later scribbled out
to admit, fine, okay, yes,
and another year after that to say it without mumbling)
3. Girls Shalt Not Be Bitches.
(it took over ten years of school for me to realize
my women teachers got called bitches
for doing things that my male teachers got called efficient for.
we were assigned to a group project in science class
and whenever my friend tried to tell the others to quiet down
so they could get on with the work,
she was jeered into silence
and she never found it fair that her boyfriend did
the same thing and the noise stopped.)
4. Girls Shalt Have A Vagina.
(she introduced herself with a deep voice and a gushing smile.
she had a pink dress and an adam’s apple
she had a necklace resting above her cleavage
she had escaped from an all-boys high school
and I didn’t understand until I learned later
gender is more than the two rigid boxes
that we are told to tick one of)
5. Girls Shalt Smile.
(he frowned when the subject was brought up
and he shrugged a lot as he explained
that we look better when we smile. Less hostile.
His shrugs stiffened when I asked him why we shouldn’t look hostile.
‘I dunno,’ he said, dropping to a mumble. ‘Girls aren’t s’posed to look hostile, I guess.’
The next time someone walked past me on the street
and told me to smile,
I gave him my sunniest grin
and a middle finger.)
Holy shit, this is the greatest
Okay, so, I’m running on the assumption that people are taking this seriously. If not, my bad.
THIS IS INCREDIBLY NOT WHAT HAPPENED
This woman’s name is Amy, and she owns a bakery/restaurant called Amy’s Baking Company. Not only do they serve the customers store-bought food under the pretense of it being gourmet and house-made, but they treat their customers absolutely terribly. This woman once chased two guys out of her restaurant because they had decided to leave after waiting 2 HOURS FOR THEIR FOOD. SHE WAS PISSED BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T PAY FOR IT. IT’S ALSO PROBABLY GOOD TO MENTION THAT SHE DOESN’T LET THE SERVERS HAVE TIPS, WHICH IF YOU’VE NEVER WORKED AT A RESTAURANT, MEANS THAT THEY GET PAYED FAR BELOW MINIMUM WAGE. AT THE TIME OF THE KITCHEN NIGHTMARES EPISODE, SHE AND HER HUSBAND OPENLY CONFESSED TO FIRING OVER A HUNDRED EMPLOYEES IN FIVE MONTHS. GORDON RAMSAY GAVE UP ON HER.
THIS WOMAN IS NOT A FEMINIST HERO
SHE IS A BATSHIT CRAZY FUCKING PSYCHOPATH
IF YOU DON’T BELIEVE ME, WATCH THE EPISODE ON YOUTUBE.
Ok sorry for commenting but this woman really is crazy. I went there once and she chewed mmy dad out for “being incredibly rude to her and her husband” and things along that linebuT THIS FUCKING WOMAN OK. SHE WAS YELLING AT HER EMPLOYEE TO WORK FASTER AND TO STOP BEING AN IDIOT AND SHE WAS TREATING THEM BADLY SO WHAT SOES MY DAD DO? HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS “STOP BEING A BITCH HE’S WORKING AS HARD AS HE CAN GIVEN THE WORKING CONDITIONS IN SCOTTSDALE OK?” AND SHE WENT OFF ON MY DAD BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS BEING A DOUCHE AND NO, NO NO NO HELL NO HE WAS NOT. YOU DON’T PUT YOUR EMPLOYEES DOWN IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS EVEN IF YOU’RE PISSED.
how can people actually believe this holy shit. Go watch the kitchen nightmares episode she is fucking psycho I swear to god.
Best of Autocorrect
I got to “Dad” and had to scroll down and reblog for a break because I laughed so hard I nearly threw up twice.
"Killing her seems a bit harsh"
"Killing her seems a bit harsh"